Stop worrying, little girl.
Don’t spend your time
looking for a storm
In a cloudless sky.
My parents really know how to be there for me.
What an incredible gift.
Tonight’s RUF Freshman Girls Community Group went so well. I’m incredibly blessed to be working with precious freshmen again. I can’t wait to see what this year has in store for them.
I think about where I was freshman year. I was on this site a lot more, almost constantly. I was in my bed a lot more, terrified of the world outside of my dorm room.
Every movement away from my bunk bed, my hiding place, caused me to feel anxiety. I remember eating Cup O’ Noodles for the first few weeks because the thought of entering a dining hall and what that required of me socially made me lose my appetite. I remember knowing more people on tumblr than I did on UGA’s campus.
I remember the day I went out for coffee with the RUF intern at the time, Bekah. I usually avoided giving a clear “yes” or “no” to invites, so if I changed my mind due to anxiety, it wouldn’t matter too much. But Bekah was too sweet to turn down. I had a respect for her and I didn’t want her to think I didn’t like her.
I remember her pinpointing my social anxiety before my coffee had even cooled down enough to drink. I remember feeling a relief. Thinking, “She knows. I can be honest. I can tell her that making eye contact is one of the most difficult things I could ever do. I can tell her that the reason I haven’t dated in 3 years is because I my social anxiety causes me to shut guys down by pure avoidance and fear that comes off as disinterest.
I can tell her that I’m trapped.”
It was a long journey from there. It took my loving dad pushing me later that December to really try to understand that my social anxiety was not an excuse to avoid life, living, or loving people. I was avoiding my call from God to love. I was avoiding the Great Commission.
Once that realization was made, God moved. My life has completely changed. I’m not saying that I never have anxiety anymore, I’m saying that I am called to more.
And I’m trying harder to answer that call.
I’ll just organize my room for the third time this week because I’m becoming the kind of person who very much dislikes disorder for extended periods of time.
It’s like I’m becoming an adult or something.